Why Rock of Love Bus is Amazing

As long as I can remember, I have always loved trash TV. When I stayed home sick from school, my big rush was watching Jerry Springer without my mom realizing it (she forbade my watching it...this involved a lot of "channel surfing" when I heard her approach.) Jerry Springer and Maury were my favorites, which made life in the sickbed great because it was 3 full hours of alternating freakshows in the mornings, from 9 until 12.

So, really, it's no surprise that I love the trashy reality TV shows that VH1 purveys. I love them to varying degrees, with Flavor of Love probably the least favorite, but I suppose that that was their trial period. The shows got better, and trashier, as the production team got more experience.

Hence, this, the third season of Rock of Love, is AMAZING. Beyond amazing. Life altering.

Life altering in the sense that you didn't realize people could be just THAT idiotic.

I'm a bit of a sadist. I love watching people make complete idiots of themselves, for the viewing pleasure of whoever stops to rubberneck. With the trashy talk shows, it's a bit different. If you sign up for a show entitled "Are You the Father?: Paternity Tests Revealed" you have a pretty clear idea of what you are getting yourself into. But when a similarly trashy show has a "true love" (albeit with a skankyass washed up hair metal lead singer) theme, the actual participants try and justify their behavior through a kind of moralistic jargon. And you end up wondering if they are just reading cue cards, and actually understand what the words they are saying mean.

The hypocrisy evident in a competition for "true love" that inevitably involves strippers and penalizes those contestants with a disdain for this kind of voyeuristic bullshit is amazing. To be fair, though, being on a show like this is definitely voyeuristic bullshit to start with...maybe the contestants are being penalized for not taking the premise to its logical conclusion.

Regardless.

Rock of Love Bus is amazing. And here are some reasons why.

1) Where, on any dating competition anywhere, has it been so obvious that every single contestant has had a boob job?

2) Every season of Rock of Love, the girls have gotten both dumber and trashier. This time, the bottom of the barrel has been sandblasted.

3) You could write a goddamn masters thesis on how groupies, as illustrated by the Rock of Love girls, have set back feminism by a hundred years. There is absolutely no justification whatsoever, other than being constantly drunk or high, for how these women present themselves, and how Bret Michaels treats them. Fuck Penny Lane.

4) If the women are ridiculous idiots, Bret Michaels looks like he fell off the Botox Bus one too many times.

5) Everyone is a bad actor. No exceptions. On the plus side, seeing everyone lie so obviously makes me smile throughout the episode.

But, beyond the label of awesomely bad, comes a point where the awesome, rather than the bad, becomes the idée fixe. Where else have you seen half naked women playing "ice hockey" with baby dolls with hair extensions as the pucks? What about a kelptomaniac ex-porn star stealing used socks? What about women taking shots from each other's vaginas?

I rest my case.

Once Upon a Cockfight

Last night, I got to go to a cockfight. What? What? Cockfights actually do exist in Mexico?!?! Yes, they do! They are also few and far between, and tickets cost an arm and a leg. So how did I go to a cockfight?

Well, apparently my boyfriend's mom works at a school for rich people, and one of the kids she teaches has parents who had complementary tickets for the cockfight at the state fair. And they didn't want to go. Obviously, if you don't want to go to a cockfight, you give the tickets to your 8-year-old's teacher.

Except she didn't really want to go either, but was told the tickets were worth 500 pesos (about $40) each. As they say here, "Hay que aprovecharselos." You have to take advantage of them. I was bored to tears my one time at the Montreal casino, so not so down with the gambling, but definitely down for this highly cultural (or at least exotic) experience.

When a group of 5 of us got to the little arena where the cockfight/concert after the cockfight was being held, we found out that the tickets were actually going for 750 pesos (about $60) each, and therefore we would not be buying any extra tickets. Elected to enter the ring were myself and my boyfriend's 85-year-old grandmother. So in we went. Me and grandma.

I think cockfighting would be a lot more interesting if it were just fight after fight after fight. At least at this cockfight, there was a new fight every 20 minutes or so. And to fill all that extra time between fights (cos a fight really only lasted a couple of minutes) there were raffles and bingo. Lots of raffles. Lots of bingo. Lots of noise.

But the fights! (Few and far between as they were.) First of all, I couldn't tell the difference between the roosters except for the red or green piece of tape wrapped around the little knife tied to its ankle. And yes, the roosters are equipped with weapons, to make sure the death goes that much quicker. The fight goes on until one of the roosters is dead, basically.

During the 20 minutes preceeding a fight, aside from the raffles and bingo, people are placing bets on which rooster is going to win. I guess 50 / 50 odds are as good as you're gonna get anywhere, so the gambling seemed to be quite fierce. Men and women in suits and quasi suits roved around the central ring of dirt, collecting money and giving out markers.

Then the rooster owners or trainers or whatever they are let the roosters smell each other. They hold them in the air facing each other before the fight, before they walk the roosters over to opposite sides of the ring.


Then the roosters fight.

Then one (or both) of the roosters die. Regardless of the death count, a winner is declared.

So, you know, once is kind of interesting. Or, at least, different.

This went on for THREE HOURS.

Then there was a concert with Ana Gabriel, and apparently myself and my boyfriend's grandmother were the only ones who had no idea who she was, since the little auditorium suddenly transformed into everyone else's personal shower and/or kareoke machine.

In short, a Mexican Celine Dion.
We left, half deaf, after three songs.

My Mind Wanders Too Much

Yesterday I had the kind of thought that I knew I wanted to write more about when I had the time, but now that I have the time I can't remember what it is. Mental note: Do not forget to get a notepad.

Pyramids n Petrified Waterfalls

Monte Albán, Oaxaca



Hierba el Agua, Oaxaca

Pretty gnarly, eh?

Return of the Hot Cops - Rave Edition

The Mexico City Traffic Police have a new uniform! This is very exciting news for all!

Vacations are Necessary and Good

Now I get why working people need vacation time...to take care of all the shit you meant to do but didn't have time to cos everything work related was too pressing. In the past 3 days (allowing one day off for crashing after Christmas week of ridic)

• Rooms have been cleaned, including floors mopped
• Laundry has been done
• Fake college IDs have been made and laminated
  

(for serious...bus fares are half price if you travel during vacations with a valid student ID, and once we get out of the state of Guanajuato (where it's obvious we have fake university ID cards) we'll be saving like $100 each on the trip to Oaxaca.)

• Puppy has been given a place to stay until January 3.
• Same for fishie.
• Wrote thank you notes to the kids who got me holiday presents
  

annnnnnnnd...

• I translated a synopsis (yes, 5000 words can still be considered a synopsis) of the boys's explanation of why it's important to study a theory of a mind without a body.

He is setting up a web site (and got a real graphic designer to make it not suck) about this thing, and I just wanted to get the translation out of the way so the site would be DONE. So, I did. My brain almost imploded though. But I'm pretty proud, even though it probably sucks, cos it's my first real translation. And my name will be up on the web site saying that I am the translator!

Anyway, tomorrow it's off to León for Christmas with the boy's mom's family, and then from there to Oaxaca City for real vacation. A trip to Taxco aka silver Mecca has been promised at some point on the way back, so I am more than stoked.

Hodgepodge

I guess when life actually becomes interesting, professionally and personally, there's not that much time to document it as it happens. It's only when everything is over, and there has been time to forget a lot of the details

First and foremost, the puppy is pure, unadulterated awesome. Except for when she pees on the floor. Her favorite games include chewing up empty plastic bottles, chasing her tail, and trying to eat everything in sight. Her name is Malinche, which was the name of Hernan Cortes' Indian translatress/guide/mistress as he set about conquering Mexico in the name of God and the Spanish king. Nowadays, the word malinchista, in Mexican Spanish, is a derrogatory-ish way of saying that someone prefers foreign things to their own native heritage. It's like the opposite of a xenophobe, but not in a good way at all.

The pictures are already kind of old, taken when she was 3 months old. Now she is 4 months old and already substantially bigger. She's an American Pit Bull Terrier, and I was kind of apprehensive about getting a pit bull initally - probably for the same reason everyone is a little freaked out when they hear that someone has a pit bull. But she's only agressive with other dogs, not with people at all, and only when she wants to play. And I can't take her out for a walk without getting stopped literally a dozen times. Awwwwwww what a cute dog! What's her name? What breed is she? Is she for sale?

No, most definitely, not for sale.

At school, in the last 4 weeks, there has been field day, exams (writing of (4 x 2 versions per group), administering of (4 x 2 days each), and grading of (92)), 92 second bimester grading sheets to fill out, the Christmas pagent/concert (setup and attendance), and normal daily class routine. So, needless to say, I have not had much free time. I still really like the job though. The kids are fun, my coworkers are great, and hopefully all my visa paperwork will be taken care of in January.

And now it's vaycayyyyshuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn...going to Oaxaca right after Christmas, back on January the Fifth. Huzzah.